Pregnancy Etiquette: A remedial course.

1. Always assume there is only one fetus. Never ask if there are more. Even when you know there are more, never use that fact as a reason to vocally justify a pregnant woman's size.

2. Never guess the due date. You will be wrong, very wrong.

3. Words like huge, fat, enormous, big, swollen and gigantic should never be used when describing a pregnant woman. Even if she herself uses them. It will always be bad.

4. Do not guess the sex of the baby. I don't care what mumbo jumbo you think you have, you are not a wizard. Ask first.

5. Telling a pregnant woman that she is "glowing" might have worked in the 7o's, but it's officially outdated. Just drop of ice cream instead.

6. Never assume a woman is pregnant until it has been confirmed by three excellent sources or she tells you herself. I suggest waiting for the last one.

7. Never congratulate a woman on being pregnant until rule #6 has been satisfied.

8. Always be openly astonished when a woman tells you how far she is in her pregnancy. "What, there is no way you are 7 months along, you don't even look pregnant!"

9. Asking about a pregnant woman's water retention is off limits, also, you don't need to know how often she pee's, does she get stretch marks or if her feet have gotten larger.

10. And lastly, do not talk in hushed tones about a pregnant woman when she is only eight feet from you, pregnant woman can HEAR everything.

Just saying,

Rebecca