Dear Dustin: Part Two

That dress I wore... yuck. It was boring, super shiny and extremely modest. I am pretty sure my ankles weren't showing. I didn't really have much choice when it came to the dress, it was hanging in my closet. You probably thought that I looked lovely. You were whipped like that, right? I think that I almost threw up when you put your arms around my waist while Joyce was taking all those pictures. I kept thinking about slapping your arms back and giving you a lecture about propriety, not to mention that fact that now it was documented in picture format and I would have to own up to it all. I am glad I didn't. That would have really ruined the night. (Did you hear the sarcasm there, ruined the night, Hah! O the insights to come...)

Where were our parents? Do you know? I remember Grandma taking some pictures and then we headed over Brad and Tim's house for the mega pictures, but neither of our parents participated in the time honored tradition of gushing and cheesy smiles. I wonder what that was all about. Your parents probably disapproved or went on a date or something like that. My parents probably favored the "she's in good hands (literally)" approach and had better things to do, like support my brothers in yet another activity. Maybe there was a scout activity that night. Or maybe you and I managed to slip out unnoticed, I bet that was it.

Oh and the corsages... they had Joyce written all over them. I love how Brad's mom did all the work. Nice. I can't remember if mine was a wrist or chest corsage. I hope it was for the wrist, because if you had to pin something near my body I am sure I would have thrown up.

Dinner was good. Too bad you were an idiot. The Chinese food was excellent. The conversation was full of energy and comfortable. Jamie giggled just the right amount and I am pretty sure Brad's head grew three sizes that night from all the attention. As dinner was winding down a dare was issued, all sane individuals eagerly declined, except you. I watched you eat that Chinese pepper in pure confusion. What had you done? Those peppers are not just hot, they are scorch your esophagus hot. "Great, just great" was going through my mind. My date was an imbecile. Who eats that on a date? Not to mention the bad breath... boy did you turn grumpy fast.

We arrived at the high school in time to meet Kelly coming out and she was the first and last person you introduced me too. You didn't want to walk through the various rooms, have our picture taken by all those balloons, you didn't want to dance or sit or stand or laugh or talk or walk or get a drink or look at me or go outside. Basically I wanted to die. I couldn't just ditch you and I now had an entire night ahead of me with the guy whose chest was on fire. People kept walking past us and starring. I am sure they thought that I was your cousin or that you were on drugs or both. It was awkward, standing in the hallway with you doubled over, doing some kind of agonizing swaying dance. I just kept smiling at them, they dropped looks of pity. Nice. I kept trying to make small talk, but you would snap back at me. Those eyebrows were constantly pushed together in frustration. I am pretty sure you ended being down right mean. You told me to stop talking and leave you alone. Lucky me, left to fend for myself in someone else's high school. Peachy. About an hour in Brad found us in the hallway and persuaded you to go dance in the gym. One slow dance and that was it. You acted like you had done me some kind of service with that dance, my sentiments exactly. I wish I could remember the song, it would be monumental now. Maybe Jamie could remember... she's good with stuff like that. We went outside after that because you were "burning up". Finally we just decided to leave. You were still grumpy.

The one major highlight was Bill's Donuts. I burned my mouth on my hot chocolate, which I know was customary for me. You tried to eat your apple fritters, but your throat hurt. Baby. Jamie and I laughed alot, even Brad was funny. You were taciturn at best. Worst date of my life... worse then the Messiah Date.

The next day at church I was obviously less then thrilled to see you. My mother yelled at me for not being grateful to you. "Grateful for what?" "Grateful that he took you out on a date!" Seriously mom, how in the world did you end up on his side.